Spring Break Lessons

Wow!  It has been a very lively Spring Break.  Because of all the unexpected adventures we have had over the last week, I haven't had much time to think about a blog.  So, I decided I would just share some of the lessons that I have learned or had reinforced this week.   I spent part of my week taking care of an injured baby goat.  At this point it looks like that will end sadly so I will leave it at that.   That experience and the other adventures of the week have taught me a great deal.  Here are the top ten that come to mind:

1.  Planning often turns out to be a pointless mental exercise.
2.  At times, "controlled burn" becomes an oxymoron.
3.  Volunteer Firefighters are awesome people!  Lots of love to you all!
4.  Just because it is Spring does not mean the germs will go away.
5.  Incredible cuteness, huge amounts of spunk, and heartbreaking reality can come wrapped up in one little bundle.
6. Caring for babies, even animal babies, means lots of laundry.  (I have been peed on, pooped on, and soaked in milk.  I don't know if goats vomit but if they do I wonder how I missed that.)
7. Things that were exciting when you were a child become enormously stressful and no fun at all when you become an adult and responsibility is added to the mix.
8.  A little stress can make Lenten promises much harder to keep.
9.  Children can become much braver and dumber when in a group of other children.
10. And finally, this I have known for years but it is reaffirmed again:  Spring Break goes too fast!

I'd love to hear some of your favorite Spring Break adventures, recent or from years past.  I think I will remember this Spring Break for years to come.  Although some of it I could stand to forget!

I Love Lent

I love Lent.  Not bellybutton lint.  Not  pocket lint.  Not the stuff you find in your dryer filter.  That stuff makes me sneeze.  I love the season of the church year called Lent.  I love the purple decorations.  I love the meditative services.  I find it deeply meaningful to dwell in this time as we draw nearer to the crucifixion, resisting the temptation to rush to Easter.   I even like having an opportunity to review my life and find if there is anything I can give up that will make me a more loving person or enrich my spiritual life.  Yes, I am giving something up for Lent this year.  Or at least I am trying.

I understand why some scoff at the idea of giving something up for Lent.  It can seem kind of pointless to give up chocolate for 40 days just so you can binge on that big chocolate easter bunny when the 40 days are up.  Yet I think even this kind of self-denial can be of some value in our culture where we are denied of so very little.  Perhaps we need a little self-denial in a world of credit cards and immediate internet access to millions of products.  However, after experimenting with fasting many years back I came to realize that self-denial is more productive and even easier to accomplish if it has a purpose.  I fasted for only two days, just to see what it was like, and was so miserable that I decided I would never fast again if there wasn't some point to it.  I know that's pathetic, especially in light of the millions who go hungry every day.  What can I say?

Moving on from my failings, I think it is helpful to choose things to give up for Lent that will bring about positive change in your life.  Hopefully, these changes will last longer than the 40 days.  Over the years I have used Lent as motivation to work on my cussing habit, stop watching television shows that impacted my thoughts in a negative way, reduce TV watching in general, and so on.  This year I am tackling my negative thoughts directly, giving up those arguments I have in my head with people who annoy me or who I am afraid are angry at me.  People are usually much meaner in my head than if I actually speak to them directly.  I am hopeful that reducing the energy I spend on such negative thoughts will give me more energy for positive and productive things.

Even something like giving up chocolate can have a purpose, though.  After all, the cocoa used in chocolate is only grown in far, far away places so the environmental costs of shipping it are high.  Giving up chocolate is good for the environment.  (Though you could go the buying fair trade route.) You could also donate any money you save to the Red Cross or some other good cause.

If you haven't given up anything for Lent yet, it is not too late to start.  There are quite a few blogs out there that discuss this topic and I have seen some good ideas.  Share your ideas by commenting to this blog here or on facebook.  Maybe we can all gain some insights about how we can live lives that have a positive impact on the world, during Lent and the rest of the year.

Me, I am going to happily munch on chocolate while trying to think only positive loving thoughts about my husband, my children, and even my politicians.  Oh, all right, I will try to limit my chocolate intake for the sake of the environment.  Seems like thinking positive thoughts about politicians ought to be difficult enough.  Sometimes trying to be conscientious is no fun at all.

Jesus Isn't My Boyfriend

Recently, I read about a woman, upset about her teenage daughter's preoccupation with boys.  Trying to combat this preoccupation the women tells her daughter she doesn't need a man in her life, she just needs Jesus.  Surely there is some truth in that statement.  My feminist side certainly echos the "she doesn't need a man" part.  Primarily, however, this comment irritated me.  Undoubtedly this is a reflection of my own biases but as I contemplated further I realized there is something else that bothers me here:  it is not true.  Jesus is not this girl's boyfriend.  Jesus is not a replacement for relationships with other human beings.  Jesus did not come to earth and die so that we wouldn't need each other anymore.  We are human beings.  We need each other.  When we try to make Jesus sound like a replacement for human relationships, we make the gospel sound false.  Teenagers have a very active baloney detector.  They know that Jesus is not the answer to raging hormones, social acceptance, and human intimacy.  Surely faith can be of help instilling a sense of identity, self-worth and meaning so that one is better equipped to handle the realities of life and the human drive to procreate.  Still, Jesus is not anyone's boyfriend.  The work of the gospel is to name the reality and then deliver the Good News.  When we skip the naming of reality or treat Jesus like a magic fix it all, the gospel rings false.

This is where Ash Wednesday comes in.  On Ash Wednesday we hear the words, "You are dust and to dust you shall return."  By this we are reminded of our mortality.   We take time to stop and name the reality of death in this world and the pain and grief that surrounds us.  Jesus did not die for us so that we would not die.  We will all die.  Jesus died and then rose again so that we too might die and rise to new life.    This is the gospel, fully steeped in the realities of what it means to be human.

I was fortunate to have someone talk to me about reality in my younger years.  I heard about the reality that society tends to make women feel like they need a man for validation.  I learned why it was important to be a strong, independent woman.  I was taught about my value as a person and if someone didn't want me then clearly that relationship was not meant to be.  I learned that relationships are challenging and will be nearly impossible if both parties don't come into the relationship with a sense of who they are and feelings of self-worth.  It is within this reality that the gospel is given to us: the Good News that we have been claimed by God, forgiven, and given eternal life.  Indeed this is a powerful sense of identity and self worth.  But, Jesus still isn't my boyfriend.

Incidentally I also had other doses of reality to help me through my teen years.  Reality like an early and strict curfew.  Funny how that seemed so stupid then and seems so brilliant now that I am a parent.  In fact I don't think my curfew was early enough.  I think my girls will have a 3:30 p.m. curfew.  Just kidding, that would be ridiculous.  They need some time to get home from school.  4:00 it is.  See teenagers?  Parents can be reasonable after all.

Just Have Daddy Do It

Several times recently, when I am struggling to do something, my daughter will say, "Just have Daddy do it."  This does not warm my feminist heart, to say the least.  I had managed to keep my responses down to a mild snarl since the things I was attempting to do had thus far involved some brute strength or at least tools, areas that her Daddy is clearly more proficient than me.  However, this morning these words came out of her mouth when I was trying to fix the zipper on her coat.  Definitely not Daddy's domain.  Where is this coming from?  I thought one of my primary areas for growth was that I need to learn to ask for help.  Am I asking for help too often from my husband so that my girls think I am incompetent?  It is not as though we live our lives in a stereotypical way.  I am, primarily, the one who takes care of the livestock.  I have been known to drive the skid steer.  I got a reciprocating saw for Christmas.

Before resorting to cutting things with a chainsaw or taking the tractor for a joy ride just to prove that I could, I paused for a moment to remember how I saw my dad when I was my daughter's age.  I distinctly remember having a shirt that said "Daddy's Sweetheart".  I was very proud of that shirt.  In my eyes, my daddy could do anything.

I think I am going to have to wrestle my feminist feelings to the ground this time.  I might be a bit more careful about how I ask my dear husband for help, but it is okay that my daughter admires her Daddy.  It is very good that I am not the only one influencing her life.  My daughters and I are lucky that this influence is a positive one.  My pride is screaming, "But why does he get to be the cool one!"  Be quiet, pride.  I get to snuggle my daughters, comfort them when they are hurt, teach them, love them, but I don't have to be everything to them.  (I also get to hold their hair while they vomit, but we are focusing on the positive here.)

So, next time my daughter tells me to "Just have Daddy do it," I will calmly explain to her that I will try to do it on my own first and then if I can not I will ask for help from someone.  Perhaps her Daddy or perhaps someone else with the necessary expertise.  I might even manage to admit that Daddy is indeed good at many things and is often a good person from whom to ask for help.  Or maybe I will just sigh and ignore her.  I am not perfect.

In the meantime, I hope this serves as a reminder to any daddies out there, particularly daddies of daughters.  You likely have someone looking up to you and not just because you are taller than she is.  What you do is communicating something to her.  If you flip on the television as soon as you get home, that communicates something to her.  How you treat her mother, how you talk about your job, what you eat, all these things teach her something.  Most importantly, how you love her teaches her a whole lot.  Sounds like a big responsibility but there is great reward too.  I may not wear a "Daddy's Sweetheart" shirt anymore, but I still love and admire my daddy and I suspect I always will.